


A Little Help From Our Friends

by youllneverwalkalone8



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Gen, I don't even know anymore, this is cracky as hell tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 02:44:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youllneverwalkalone8/pseuds/youllneverwalkalone8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Carragher and Redknapp have too much free time in retirement and use it to set up Gerrard and Lampard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Help From Our Friends

**Author's Note:**

> this truly is just crack I spewed out over the weekend, please don't expect anything sane

            Carragher hadn’t realised quite how much free time retirement left him with. Of course, Redknapp had told him about it plenty of times, but he’d never really believed he could have _that_ much time on his hands. But of course, being Carra, he spent the time with his old partner in crime; Steven Gerrard. Because he couldn’t just switch off the Liverpool part of him, it was a part of his heart at that point.

            Stevie had been no fun recently. Sure, they still went out and got a few too many drinks occasionally, but it wasn’t the same. There always seemed to be something on Stevie’s mind, and it wasn’t captaining things, Carra knew that for a fact. It was something else; it was almost like girl trouble…except it wasn’t at all like it.

            “Will you just fooking tell me what’s going on already?”

            “It’s nothing.” Stevie responded sullenly, waving a hand dismissively.

            “Yeah right, and me mum’s the bloody queen.” Carra rolled his eyes in exasperation.

            “Good for her.” Stevie muttered, switching on Sky Sports to try and avoid a conversation.

            Carra switched off the TV quickly and glared at Stevie. “Tell me what’s going on right now or I’ll figure it out meself.”

            “I told you, it’s nothing!”

            “Ever since the bloody international break you’ve been acting strange. What did you do? Shag Lampard accidentally?”

            Stevie stared at Carra in silence.

            Carra stared back, absolutely horrified as the truth dawned on him. “You shagged _Lampard?”_

 

Frank was sitting on the staircase, sullenly listening to a lecture from his cousin.

            “You qualified for the World Cup for god’s sake why are you moping around? This isn’t 2008, you’re not missing a goddamn tournament!”

            “I know we qualified for Brazil, I was at the match you arse!” Frank snapped.

            “What the hell is going on with you? You seemed perfectly happy at practice with Stevie and everyone.”

            Frank scowled when he heard the Scouser’s name. “Stop talking about him.”

            “For god’s sake Frank! He gets a bit more playing time than you and you suddenly can’t stand the bloke?”

            “The problem isn’t playing time! God you’re such a fucking idiot at times.”

            “Then what the hell is your problem?”

            “I like him! Okay? I fucking like him!”

            Jamie stared at his younger cousin in disbelief for a moment. “You like _Stevie?_ Then why don’t you just ask him out?”

            “Because he plays for _Liverpool!”_ Jamie shot Frank a dirty look at that point. “And because we fucked! And now we’re not talking and it’s miserable and I was an idiot.”

 

Once Frank had left for Chelsea practice Jamie pulled out his phone.

            “We need to set up Frank and Stevie.”

            Carra sighed with relief as he heard Jamie. “It’s fookin’ pathetic, innit?”

            “Don’t worry, I think I have a plan as long as you can get Stevie down to London.”

  
And so a few days later, Stevie found himself waiting at a small café for Jamie to arrive. He had been more than happy to meet up with his old teammate, they didn’t see each other that much now that Jamie was busy with Sky.

            When Stevie saw Jamie he grinned. When Stevie saw whom Jamie was with, he groaned.

            Jamie practically dragged Lampard the mast few metres into the café and into a chair opposite Stevie.

            “You two are discussing whatever the fuck happened and you’re not done until Carra and I say you’re done.” He ordered before walking away.

            Stevie and Frank stared at each other in silence for a few moments, neither of them wanting to talk first.

            “Wanker. He’s a fookin’ wanker.” Stevie finally muttered.

            “Hey, watch it, that’s my cousin.” Frank shot back indignantly.

            “Don’t put yerself on a high horse, you know you agree with me.”

            “Fine. But he’s right, you know, we have to talk it over.”

            “What are we meant to say? Oh we shagged, let’s go back to just being a shit midfield and pretend nothing happened?”

            “Or ‘hey I like you let’s make something of this.” Frank mumbled, hoping Stevie hadn’t heard him.

            “Or how about ‘let’s discuss this over supper and a bottle of wine?” Stevie suggested with a small smile.


End file.
